Roxane Gay.
Photo: Ian Spanier
Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we're told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they're given. This week, he talks with Roxane Gay, 43, an American author of essays, novels and short stories whose works include the international best-selling memoir Hunger. She is an associate professor at Purdue University.
BODIES
You've curated a collection of essays with Medium website called Unruly Bodies. Why the fascination with unruly bodies?
We all in live in a body, and the human body is, in many ways, a wondrous thing. But it's also really complicated, it requires maintenance and it's challenging.
You're comfortable using the word "fat". Is "fat" a word we should get comfortable using? Is it a word non-fat people should be comfortable using?
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It's all about context and tone. There are people who use the word "fat" as an insult and weapon. In those instances, it's not okay. But I also think a lot of the euphemisms people tend to use for fat are irritating. Sometimes people say, "You're not fat, you're fluffy." And I'm like, "No, I'm not fluffy – I'm fat, and I'm fine with that." I don't take it as an insult and I don't see that as a bad thing about myself. It's just my body. Nothing more, nothing less.
Tell me about your tattoos. How many do you have?
Seven. My first was Celtic knot work on my left forearm. It was originally black and purple, but the purple's faded now. It looks like a woman with wings. It doesn't match any of my other tattoos, but I loved the design and still like it.
Tell me the next tattoo you want? Or is that secret?
Oh no, it's not secret! If I get another tattoo, I'm going to fill in the blank spaces with tribal designs on both arms.
What's stopping you? Pain? Cost?
There is someone in my life who has basically said, "No more tattoos!"
So it's out of love and deference.
Absolutely.
I get the sense that women take a lot of unsolicited advice about their bodies. And that if you are an unconventionally sized woman, that level of advice is only amplified.
It's certainly something I've dealt with constantly since I started gaining weight as a teenager. It's hard to have any sense of self-worth when everything around you is saying, "You aren't good enough. You need to be better. You need to thinner." It becomes very overwhelming. It's not just men who police women's bodies – I think we all do it – but it starts with the patriarchy. And I think men should – first of all – look in the mirror. Because a lot of the men who have the audacity to criticise women's bodies are not The Rock! So why don't you work on your own body before you worry about mine, my friend?
SEX
Describe your ideal sexual partner.
I like humour, I like adventure, I like getting freaky. Someone who's open to those things is my ideal sexual partner.
Physical attributes come into play for other people. What about you?
I'm bisexual, so gender isn't that important. But I'm way pickier about men than I am about women. With men, they have to be kind of flawless!
You mean physically? Or in every dimension?
Flawless in all ways! With women, I'm like, "I can work with that."
Why is there that difference?
I don't know! I just adore women. Men are fun and they're well and good, but they're so complicated. With women it's just easier, and there's so much to be attracted to, for me.
If you could go back in time and talk to a younger version of yourself, is there anything about sex you know now that you wish you knew then?
I definitely wish I knew that my pleasure mattered; that it was okay to demand that my pleasure be considered. It didn't even occur to me to think about my own pleasure in sex until my 30s, which is really sad.
Your 30s is late. What changed?
A lot of it was finally getting comfortable with myself. Also, I had a really good boyfriend in my 30s – the first lover of any gender I had ever had – who was interested in pleasing me. It was great.
What are the three ingredients for good sex?
Dirty talk. Kissing. [Laughs] And … let's see. A lot of foreplay. That goes a long way.
POLITICS
How do you feel about American politics?
American politics are a dumpster fire. It's a complete f…ing travesty. There's no other way to put it. It's not hopeless, but my goodness – things are very, very bad.
Any particular issues that worry you?
The economy. The way Republicans are slashing social welfare programs. The immigration ban and the way ICE [Immigration and Customs Enforcement] is deporting undocumented Americans at an alarming rates. Healthcare.
Where do you sit politically?
I'm liberal. Progressive. I'd like to be more radical than I am.
In some circles, "radical" is used as a slur. Why is "radical" something you want to embrace more?
Centrism is useful, but it doesn't really create change. Radicalism is what has led to all of the great revolutions in history. So I wish I had more of the ability to be radical. I don't. But I'm working on it.
What gives you hope?
Seeing how many people have been motivated to respond to the Trump Administration and to resist its efforts. That's something I did not expect, given he was elected in the first place. I hope we can maintain the momentum until 2020.
To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald or The Age.
Writer, author of The Family Law and Gaysia.
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